I have always struggled with just letting stuff happen. I am a thinker, an analyzer and a planner. I love new adventures. The occasional spontaneous leap of faith is fun. However, I am more comfortable knowing the plan, the goal and the way I hope to get there. It can be likened to a photographer sharpening life’s images.
To me it’s the difference between taking a trip packed for every possibility and having every option available to me, and taking nothing but my absolute necessities with me and having to make the best of what is possible. Both scenarios can be a lot of fun yet they yield entirely different experiences.
On the journey of life, I prefer to have most of my experiences happen with some semblance of preparedness, and a handful of unpredictable adventures thrown in for variety.
It’s not that I think everything can or should be planned ahead, but I like to know that I considered most possibilities so that I don’t have to say no to something simply because I wasn’t prepared.
I realize that some times my need to analyze and discuss brings some chapters to a close rather abruptly. I could likely have taken the ride a bit longer if I’d been able to go with the flow more… but the truth is, I prefer the longer lasting, greater depth, long term experiences in life. I just like taking them in varying directions over time.
I can be intense. I am passionate to the point of no return, about nearly everything my life touches.
So while I have been sitting back and waiting for life to show me what is in store, resisting my urge to analyze and prepare, taking things day by day in order to cope with the uncertainty of what is now… I want more than anything to be myself, to have just one aspect of my life that I can at least attempt to be prepared for.
Holding back may be allowing me space to get through each day unscathed, but it has a deadening effect as well. Things feel less poignant, less vibrant, a little soft. I’m ready to take some of the sharpness back. To feel with my whole self. To see every shade and level of colour. If I give of my heart and soul without caution, will it be worth the risk?
Love Where You Live, live where you are
About Trish
I understand this too Trish, a well known and respected journalist said to me that passion and enthusiasm can be seen as “kookiness” in these unfeeling and pretense filled times but it’s that same passion that this world needs the most…it needs yours as well:)