Can a 21st Century Mom find a Balance?

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A Mommy Connections Halifax guest post:

After meeting with Karine Ewert of Today’s Parent magazine, I got thinking about what it means to be a 21st century parent. Karine was in Halifax appearing on the CTV morning show talking about just that. How are the challenges of today unique from previous generations? How are they similar?

 

Karine pointed out a lot of things that are unique to today. Striving to achieve a balance, while trying to do it all and be good at everything, cannot possibly be manageable. There really is no perfect balance. We once fought for the right for women to enter the workplace, but I’m not sure it has been entirely to our benefit. There is a real struggle between the stay-at-home-mom and the working-outside-of-the-home mom to reconcile their choices often under societal pressure. For some the answer is to hire a nanny, for others, it’s child care centres, for others it’s working part-time or maybe even working from a home office and bringing in a child care provider part-time.

 

When I was at home with my children I often felt guilty for not being a strong feminist in the workplace, and when I was at work I often felt guilty for not putting my children/family first. We do this to one another. We hear it in the voices of those on the other side of the fence, judging us for making the choices we made. We need to cut ourselves a little slack. It is only possibly to achieve the balance we seek if we give ourselves a break. Let’s not strive to be all-things. Lets strive for the happy chaos, as Karine put it. The thing is – that which makes one mom happy is not going to be the same for every mom, and that is okay. It is as it should be.

 

I shared with Karine my desire for a Mom of the Year award to go to the everyday mom. A mom who is struggling but somehow finds their happy place by simply accepting things for what they are. She agreed that the best we can do as Moms is for us all to recognize that we are doing our best. To take joy in the everyday moments and to celebrate that we’re parents. Not all of us get to be. We have to remember that we’re all going to have bad days – some days are just easier than others.

 

There is still time to nominate the mom in your life for Mom of the Year. Deadline is July 8th though, so act fast!

 

There is also one day left to enter to win $50 or $25 in Walmart giftcards on my previous blog entry: Mom of the Year vs Supermom.

 

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at trish at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

I invite you to subscribe to my blog using one of the options available on my page (email, rss, Google Connect, like my page on Facebook, etc.)

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Filed Under: Childcare, Contests, General, Parenting, Sponsored, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Guest post on Balance My Life

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Check it out! I was asked to contribute an article on Balance My Life.

My Balance is… in acceptance

http://balancemylife.ca/livealias/my-balance-is.html

How about yours?

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Like so many, most of my adult life has been spent spinning – one high-stress situation to the next.

Then I turned a new leaf after nearly a decade of living on edge. I have just begun learning how to function in a state of “normal”. Finally: I’m done school; my new job while meaningful is low-stress (in comparison); I have a supportive spouse settled into our blended life/family; we own our own home; and I am at home to greet my children after school one to two days each week…

I have been in over my head so many times, with my body telling me I had to make a change even when I felt mentally I was coping just fine. I have always struggled with finding balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I have swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” – finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot. I cannot have “it” all. I won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

This was not an easy choice. I had to give up the desire to be in charge (at work). Not being woken for urgent calls, not having to rearrange everything in my life for a crisis at work, not scrambling to get my children taken care of, not having to fix everyone else’s problems… these are benefits to my overall well being that are worth making sacrifices for.

Even in balance, I still frequently stray down that familiar path of needing to be busier, more involved and more successful. I think most of us do at one time or another. I have to reign myself in. In an attempt to cater to my desire for more I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means when I have too much on my plate the projects take a back seat, and when things slow down – or I have a need for a creative outlet – they are there to pick back up again.

Balance is whatever works for you. If you are a parent: You may thrive on careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of your family. You may choose not to have children at all. You may choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever. I have chosen a middle ground. I may never make the big goals of my career, but I also will not have regrets about spending more time with my family.

Mostly, balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. In Canada, there are few things in life that most of us do not have some sort of choice about.

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: balance, General, West Nova Family Tagged With: , ,

Losing control & finding your balance

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In the face of uncontrollable challenges balance comes in managing that which can be.

Until recently life was very demanding but manageable. It has since reached my limit with another uncontrollable and emotionally charged journey. My balance came first in recognizing my limits and taking steps to prevent breaching them. A leave from work has allowed me the time I had previously struggled to find to take care of me.

I assured my doctor that the time would be spent wisely, making it a priority to nurture myself while working through all of life’s obligations and desires as a mother, spouse, sister, daughter, homemaker and friend.

When a loved one has a chronic illness and becomes a closer integral part of your immediate nucleus things can and do change drastically. When living arrangements accommodate that there is additional change. Add that to life’s everyday challenges and then another loved one becomes suddenly and seriously ill. It can seem impossible to cope.

We recently faced our loved one’s diagnosis of cancer. Our lives have turned upside down in so many ways, while we grasp at every sense of normalcy that we can. It is too easy to become consumed with the illness, too easy to forget that we are still here together … we must make this our time, now.

Those of you who have been there know how truly it does change your perspective. Life becomes precious. Life becomes finite. Life becomes its meaning. We must experience life with our eyes wide open, with all of our senses receiving and our minds fully aware.

How do you balance life when it creeps out of your control?

From Drop Box

I don’t have the answers. I can only do what feels right for me.

In an attempt to prevent chronic pain from escalating too severely I am pursuing a better daily routine of activity. Each day I try to include something physical, from yoga to fitness classes, to walking (perhaps even a swim or a bike ride). Each day I make time to read and/or write. I have some other projects that I try to fit in once in a while like photography/editing and scrapbooking. It is never enough. But I do my best.

I am watching what I eat, talking with family and friends, and trying to keep my family focused on a healthy balance of living while also trying to fight the devastating effects of this awful disease.

It’s a natural tendency to fall back into the despair, the fear, and the pain… Back into the unfairness of it all. We have to consciously choose to take cancer off the table at times and simply live.

For the benefit of all we must make it a priority to live life.

Drop me a note in the comments below, or connect with me on Twitter @ceilidhontherun, email me at ceilidho at ceilidhontherun dot com, or use my contact form!

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Filed Under: Cancer, General, Gratitude, Health & Fitness, West Nova Family Tagged With: , , ,

OK, universe, it’s my time now!

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It seems as if every time things begin to settle down and reach a tolerable pace, the universe throws more stuff at me to see just how much I can handle.

When I finished my degree I went from full-time employment, full-time parenting and part-time studies, to “just” part-time employment and full-time parenting. I thought I had it made, time for me, time for my projects, time to hopefully build on a plan to eventually be independently employed. At first I enjoyed the luxury of having time to catch up on household things with a quiet house. I enjoyed being able to meet my children’s bus at home 2 days/week. I enjoyed having time for my writing and my photo-post-processing. I had a great routine going and was looking for a way to build some income into things.

Then I had an opportunity for some short-term part-time employment in an office I love (and knew from my practical experience while completing my degree) doing work that I truly enjoy. As this was winding down I began planning what I would do with my extra time again.

Then the federal election was called and I was once again working two part-time jobs, while additionally volunteering on two different campaigns whenever I could find the time. I loved the experience and involved my family as much as possible. When that came to an end, it was time to get back to my short-lived routine of 3 days/week working outside the home and 2 days/week of having the house to myself for a few hours while the girls were in school. Or so I thought.

My sister returned to Nova Scotia just as we’d long been wishing for since her multi/complex diagnoses over the last four years. After a couple of weeks she moved in with our family. We were thrilled. We (she & I) began the complicated process of getting new doctors, specialists and income assistance established. Most days off have been spent running around or, finally, having some much needed sister-time. My own projects continued to be neglected. We put our house on the market and began hunting for just the right property that would accommodate an in-law suite for my sister, whose medical needs have made it imperative that she have support close by for those just-in-case moments that happen far more frequently than anyone would like.

As summer approached the appointments began to slow down a little. There is still much work to be done, but things were beginning to feel “relaxed”. (If you can call constantly making improvements to the house to make it more sell-able, while also having to prep it for viewings 1-3 times/week, relaxed. 😉 ) Just when the house projects had thinned out and I decided to take a breather and spend a little time on my own neglected projects, my sister became sick. An infection progressed into more and we found ourselves at the emergency room most of the night and proceeding day when she was, at last, admitted. Activity had picked up on our house almost exactly at the same time. While I sat in the ER we negotiated and accepted an offer on our house, then spent time back and forth between the hospital and viewings of potential new homes. The closing date was already looming just 4 ½ weeks away. We managed to find and negotiate an offer on a great house with everything we need, and a closing date of just 2 days prior to the closing of the house that we must vacate! Phew!

In the meantime my sister was still in hospital and I was supporting her through more challenges. Most days I stopped in twice/day, some days I spent most of the day with her waiting on specialists’ to report new information. Finally, she was discharged.

We now have less than three weeks until our move. There is much to do, including sending the girls off to school, recently registered at their new school which will mean driving them everyday until we are in the house on their new bus route.

Two weeks ago I was regretting summer coming to an end because of the crappy weather we had for most of it. Now I am wishing my favourite time of the year away, hoping that when October comes the universe will finally see fit to give me a bit of a break.

Right after I do a little extra part-time work for my “other” employer… 😉

Filed Under: General Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Expanding on balance, and the choices we live

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Expanding upon a previous post, my thoughts on finding balance:

Until a year ago, most of my adult life has been spent spinning – one high-stress situation to the next.

And then I turned a new leaf after nearly a decade of living on edge: first with a leave of absence ? full-time studies; then graduating from university (again). I am just learning how to function in a state of “normal”. Finally: I’m done school; my new job while meaningful is low-stress (in comparison); I have a supportive spouse settled into our life/family; we’ve had our own home (and haven’t moved) for almost three years now, and I am at home one to two days each week…

I have been in over my head so many times, with my body telling me I had to make a change even when I felt like mentally I was coping just fine. I’d have Fibromyalgia flare-ups, migraines, insomnia, etc. …all effected by – if not caused by – burning the candle at both ends.

I have always struggled with finding a balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I have swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” a couple of times before finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot. I cannot have “it” all. I won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

This was not an easy choice. I had to give up the desire to be in charge. Not being woken for urgent calls, not having to rearrange everything in my life for a crisis at work, not scrambling to get my children taken care of, not having to fix everyone else’s problems… these are benefits to my overall well being that are worth making sacrifices for.

Life is almost in perfect balance now. With a part-time, meaningful job in my field, and the ability to be flexible enough to meet my children’s needs (with the help of my very dedicated spouse) I am more content than I have been for years. I still find myself (often) straying down that familiar path of needing to be busier, more involved and more successful. I have to reign myself in. In an attempt to cater to my desire for more I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means when I have too much on my plate those projects take a back seat, but when things slow down they are there for me to pick back up again. 🙂

Balance is whatever works for you. Some people thrive on careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of their family. Others choose not to have children at all. Some choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever. I have chosen a middle ground. I may never make the big goals of my career, but I also will not have regrets about spending more time with my family.

Mostly, balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. In Canada, there are few things in life that most of us do not have some sort of choice about.

Filed Under: Gratitude, Health & Fitness Tagged With: ,

Life’s balance, demands and sacrifices / “Left Neglected” response

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I just finished a great book that demonstrated some of my own take on the need for balance in life. Left Neglected is about a corporate mom, with a highly successful and demanding career, living a very fast-paced life with her husband and three children. She is forced to change everything when she has a car accident (because of using her cell phone while driving) and becomes a rehabilitation patient with Left Neglect.

My life was certainly never as fast-paced as hers, nor was the extent of the impact that a demanding life had on me physically. I did however find myself in over my head, with my body telling me I had to make a change. Fibromyalgia, flare-ups, migraines, insomnia, etc. …all are effected by- if not caused by – burning the candle at both ends.

I have always struggled with finding a balance. I love working, and have a strong desire to be a leader and innovator. On the other hand I also love having time to focus on my family. I swung on a pendulum between wanting it all and wanting none of “it” a couple of times before finally coming to the decision that I simply cannot have it all, and won’t be happy with one extreme or the other. So I made a conscious decision to seek a middle ground: part-time employee and part-time at-home parent.

For me life is almost in perfect balance. With a part-time, meaningful job in my field, and the ability to be flexible enough to meet my children’s needs (with the help of my very dedicated spouse) I am more content than I have been for years. I still find myself (often) straying down the path of needing to be busier, and more successful – I have to reign myself in. I have given myself permission to become involved in some personal projects that I can work on at whatever pace works for me at the time. This means sometimes when I have too much on my plate they must take a back burner, but when things slow down they are there for me to pick back up again. 🙂

Balance is whatever works for you. Some people thrive on their careers and find balance in hiring nurturing caregivers that become part of the family. Others choose not to have children at all. Some choose parenthood over the workforce and might return to a career later in life, if ever.

Mostly balance requires accepting the choices we make,while acknowledging that we are the lucky ones. There are few things in life that we don’t have some sort of choice in.

*Left Neglected, by Lisa Genova was provided by Simon & Schuster Canada as a complimentary copy, for participation in the EverythingMom.com National Book Club.

Filed Under: Books, Gratitude, Parenting, West Nova Family Tagged With: ,