What are the odds?

I’m usually one to carefully consider my words. Last month’s post is no exception. I sat with my verbal expression of the decision to end things for a couple of months. I revisited and edited and finally published my post. Even in so doing, I was uncertain. Why post it now? Because I have more of my story to share. I have a story of risk and courage and bliss. It could not have come to be without it’s preface.

Have you ever found yourself living a contradiction of sorts?

You’re an atheist, but in crisis find yourself sending a prayer up to the universe? You’re a health nut, but find yourself craving some totally garbage junk food? You’re cautious, responsible and thoughtful, yet find yourself head over heels in love after a matter of days?

I am SO there. I have been trying to analyze and justify what is happening to me. But there is no reasoning this. I simply and insanely have fallen hard for a man who has everything I want. He shares my dreams. He is caring and expressive. He is honest and direct. He is ambitious and hard-working. He loves life and pursues his dreams. He’s an incredible father, and wants more of that with me. He’s a christian. He’s active and fit. He’s easygoing and gentle. He’s tough and he’s sexy. He’s everything.

Since we met we have spoken throughout everyday. We haven’t missed one. We’ve fallen in love with each others’ dreams. We’ve fallen in love with each others’ children. We already envision ourselves in each others’ lives, ambitions and futures.

Loving this hard and fast is scary as hell. Yet it feels so right.
There really is someone out there for me and I can find him a hell of a lot faster than I ever imagined, if only I am willing to take the risk. To love hard and fast and deep. To be courageous and love fiercely, as my good friend Kirk advised me. There is so much to gain. A loving partner who is willing to do anything to make me happy for the rest of my life. A parent who shares in my ideals. A man who dreams of the same visions as mine.

Someone who is willing to risk it all, to have me in his life and gives everything he’s got to make me happy. There really is someone out there for each of us, we just have to be willing to take the risk to find them.

2*4’s & Dreams

Does it take a 2*4 to the head, in the form of a major disappointment, to get me to take the risk?

It would seem to be so. I’ve talked about, dreamed about, planned about making a big dream a reality, only to back down and not follow-through many, many a time.

Now it’s taken a door of opportunity on another dream to open only to quickly slam in my face for me to realize there are very few things that I am interested in pursuing while forgoing my big dream and one of the biggest ones is not an option. I can’t make that one happen now. I’ve done all that I can, so it’s time to let it go (at least for the time being) and move onto the bigger dream, which coincidentally is also the one I have complete control over seeing through.

There have been a lot of barriers, but I’ve set my life up such that it can happen with minimal risk (relatively speaking), and now that the big life stressors are mostly out of the way (August 19th is fast approaching!) I think this major disappointment of late must be taken as a sign. I need to let it motivate me to stop chewing things over and just jump in with both feet! If only I could clearly visualize in my mind what that will look like!

For those who have been following, I suspect you’re thinking: Shut up and Do It already! Or stop talking about it at the very least.

Risk Vs. Action

Sometimes, no matter how hard you work to avoid a certain outcome, it just happens anyway.

I’ve been on this journey for what seems like an eternity, and yet here I find myself again. Ultimately I believe the answer is right there in front of me, but it’s a big risk, and there always seem to be life circumstances that make the risk too high. It’s time to find a way to reduce the risk, or at least the potential impact. This makes the solution even more challenging, more time sensitive, and still more compelling.

If only I were the only one who would be effected, it would be much less complex. Perhaps that’s the place to start, forget mitigating the risk to myself – a successful result will make it worthwhile. How do I mitigate the risk to my family though?