testing, testing… to date or not?

Have you ever felt like you just failed a test you didn’t even know you were taking? to me, this is dating.

May 13 / Mother's Day - by Kate Inglis

It doesn’t matter if you’re meeting someone randomly at a conference and hit it off and start dating, or if your are dating via an online dating service, or if you’ve been set-up on a blind date. In every relationship that doesn’t quite make it, there’s a failed test.

Sometimes it happens on your first encounter. The chemistry test.

Sometimes it’s on your first date. The pucker test.
Or date two. The “easy” test.
Maybe it’s after a few dates, when you fail the compatibility test. Or maybe it’s the absence test when one or the other isn’t able to make it to a significant activity.
Sometimes we’re failing the expectations test.
I’ve known people to fail all of the tests and yet still keep dating, until someone better comes along. I think that’s the measure up test.
I don’t like these tests. I don’t like all of the uncertainty. There is no way of knowing what the criteria is, or often even what the ultimate goal of the test might be.
Take the “easy” test for instance. Is this potential looking for an “easy”/”good time” or are they looking for someone with strong moral fibre? Sometimes I don’t even think the parties participating in or conducting the test know what they’re looking for.
One thing about online dating, is you can discuss a lot of these things beforehand, if you so choose, but then that still leaves you to the Truth or Lie test. However, that test seems to be ongoing in every scenario.
Ultimately there is a lot of risk involved when it comes to dating. I often wonder how many times and at how many stages my heart can be broken before I throw in the towel. All I do know is that I can’t experience the full wonder of loving completely if I am not willing to risk getting hurt, or broken.
Wouldn’t it be nice if there were some sort of product testing reports that could be accessed? 😀

To Twitter stalk / Facebook creep or not to?

I understand people’s desire to “stalk” others online for info/insights. Yet, nothing irks me more than someone who is NOT online, taking to the online world to research others…

I initiate almost everything in life online. My communication with even my closest friends and family generally happens via email, facebook message, or perhaps text message. I hate talking on the phone, and don’t enjoy facetime/video conferences. I’ve always been one to put my thoughts into writing. So it would only seem to fit than when I became single again and was ready for the next change, I went online for dating too.

That isn’t to say I prefer online contact – I like face to face personal interaction most of all, but we live busy lives, and are often far removed from the people we are closest to (my dad lives in Florida six months of the year; my brother lives in Asia, for more than eight of the last nine years; my highschool best friend is a 3.5hr drive from me; some of my closest friends with whom I have most frequent/daily contact are hundreds of kilometers away).

Meeting people online, whether they be friends, potential business partners, potential dates or even life partners just makes sense. We make the initial contact, determine if we have commonalities to go on and then build on those in person. Some of my greatest friends and supports in life I met online, via running forums, Twitter, and yes Facebook. Some are old acquaintances with whom I reconnected online and became closer to than ever before.

I see nothing wrong with getting to know new friends, business partners, even potential lovers better through various mediums online. I’ve added friends on Facebook simply to see what kinds of interests they participate or take the most pride in. I’ve met fantastic people through twitter conversations and eventually met them offline  “in real life”/IRL – for in person contact. Some fantastic photographers have become good friends and all because of online contact that lead to IRL activites.

Facebook Creeping   twitter stalking


That being said, we can also form preconceived ideas about people without giving them a chance to really show their true colours in real life. Counselors often make a practice of not reading case notes prior to first meeting with clients, in order to ensure an unbiased open approach to a relationship.

< AND There is something to be said for good ol’ small talk and old-fashioned interrogation on a first date. 😉 >

Yes, I want to know that I’m not going to be sitting through an hour of breathing in someone’s cigarette smoke during that first meeting. Yes, I want some idea that we’ll have some common ground to meet on and talk about; that I can be fairly certain that he’s a decent guy who won’t make me endure endless racial slurs; but what we see online is only what someone chooses to make visible   < remember to never post online anything you wouldn’t want your boss to find out. 😉 >   And honestly, I like the old fashioned getting to know a new person, friend, business contact, love interest over coffee.

So, rather than Twitter stalk and creep Facebook BEFORE meeting, why not setup a meeting in a safe location, determine if there is any connection/chemistry/spark, then do the stalking later 😉

< I still like to find out more about people I already know by creeping their photos and status updates once in a while… >



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